No Pit So Deep

Today, my Aunt Debbi posted the following on Facebook:

"I often take heart remembering that our greatest message, as followers of Jesus, grows out of our deepest, most profound brokenness. I refer to the trials we experience as our "portfolio of pain". My own portfolio includes (among a long list) being raised in a godless, unsafe family of origin, an alcoholic father, a bout with cancer at a young age, 3 daughters who endured sexual abuse from family members, marital infidelity with ensuing financial ruin, widowhood at age 52, and single-parenting 7 of our 10 children. Other than having been able to give my very own life to have protected my daughters from the atrocity of sexual abuse, I would not change one detail. I sincerely want to know Christ in the "power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his suffering." With everything in me I want to be broken like bread and poured out like wine for the sake of others. What else would be worth living for? I want to know how suffering and sorrow have shaped your life. I would be so grateful to know specific ways God has used trials and sorrows you have walked through in your life to form His character in you. Did you come to know His heart more fully in those dark and very difficult times? Do you rejoice inwardly when He puts someone in your path that you can minister to and encourage and bind up wounds with the very compassion you yourself received from Christ?

I believe there is nothing more meaningful in life that we can do for one another--to say, "Let me tell you how I KNOW there is 'grace enough' for you." Would you share it--right here? Thank you."

This was my response:

Not sure there's enough room in this box, but I'll try. Parents divorced when I was 3, sexually abused by 1st step-dad, step-grandad & a neighborhood teen for 7 years, physically abused by alcoholic 2nd step-dad for 3 years, watched Mom endure physical & emotional abuse, raped at 17 by a "friend". I've lived in more places than I can count, went to 10 schools in 12 years, very dysfunctional family of origin, pregnant & married at 19, physically abused and divorced by 21. Multiple miscarriages, tubal pregnancy, & almost bled to death... all during first marriage. I was a rebellious hearted, lying teenager… so self-centered, sex-addicted, foul-mouthed… pot-smoking party girl, dating only the bad boys… and determined to live life fully seeking every available pleasure… In my early 20's, I was such a slave to sin and shame! God intervened at age 27, and by His Spirit wooed me back to Him. He then took me on a marvelous journey of discipleship, full of grace and mercy. Married again at 28, to a preacher who lived a double life, endured multiple marital infidelities, severe emotional torment, began over-eating, over-spending, and became very bitter and angry when after biblically forgiving him and giving him another chance, found out he was using drugs and sleeping with prostitutes. After almost 10 years of that, divorced again at 38. Was bankrupt, physically, emotionally, financially. I won't even go into all the children I raised and influenced and had the joy and sorrow of "parenting" then losing due to no biological "relation". I began speaking & writing and sharing His love with many other broken women, even while enduring much of the hardship and heartache listed above. God is always working, even when we don't realize it! Close family member arrested for molesting my beloved cousins... shattering my family as I knew it to be. Then my pastor left his wife of 22 years and their 5 children, for a younger woman in the church. The Lord taught me so much about how easily "godly" people can do ungodly things when they try to do life in their own strength and choose disobedience over transparency and biblical accountability, there are always consequences. I also learned to quit putting more trust in men than I did in God. From May 2004-September 2005, lost 5 family members, then in April 2007, lost best friend of 14 years to brain cancer. Almost had a nervous breakdown in 2010. Went to a place in Boone, NC called His High Places, where I underwent some intense biblical counseling, enjoyed the generous gift of repentance, and watched God take an awful mess and turn it into His message of hope. Moved to Northeast GA mountains in 2011, where the Lord allowed me to spiritually heal from many wounds and be delivered from multiple idols in my heart. I got to be discipled and encouraged by a unified body of Christ and study God's word even deeper. He developed in me a stronger faith and character unlike any I'd ever known. I compromised my integrity with someone I was briefly engaged to, and the guilt and conviction of that was used by God to develop my heart to be more grace-giving and compassionate. I then endured the betrayal and rejection of who I believed was a genuine friend and sister in Christ. Along the way, in EVERY circumstance of life, God has proven faithful and true to redeem and restore so very much!! He showed me that He had NEVER left me or forsaken me and that no matter what, He loved me and He had already forgiven me. Then in 2014, I met my wonderful God-honoring husband, married him quickly and have grown even more since knowing him of what it means to be compassionate and kind to "the least of these." His walk of obedience and love for Christ and me, daily encourages me to want to grow in my relationship with the Lord. Through foster care and adoption, and dealing with very broken birth-parents, I was given opportunities to remember all God has delivered me from (sometimes I want to forget)... I was then able to mentor other young women close to losing their children and see families restored. God is faithful and true. He delights in second (& 32nd) chances. He truly does long to heal all those childhood atrocities and bring by us to a place of wholeness that can only come from knowing Him. I love that it's a life-long journey... I love that we are always getting chances to grow in grace, I love that He is SO very patient and His mercies are new every day!! There are many more trials and tragedies I've endured... and still much work to be done in my heart and life. But, I know beyond a doubt that a life surrendered to the Lord Jesus Christ, makes the complicated, very simple! He is able! He is good! He is enough! And last but certainly not least, I'm thankful that the majority of my happy childhood memories, all include YOU Aunt Debbi! I don't think you're perfect, nor do I expect you to live on some unattainable pedestal... but I do know that you were the perfect example of Christ that this broken girl has needed time & again throughout my 48 years!! I love you more than you'll ever know!! Thank you for your faithfulness to live authentically and unashamed for Jesus!!

Her response to my post:

Well you darling niece of mine, this is a marvelous, wonderful, REMARKABLE saga of grace. "Where sin abounds, grace doth much more abound!" Thank you Kathy! THANK YOU for taking the time to write here all the reasons you could so understandably have walked away from God yet you cling to Him as your very life line. And you live to proclaim His goodness and healing to the uttermost! And that is a testament to your precious heart of humility and gratitude. I couldn't be more proud of you. Praise Him that "there is no pit so deep that Christ is not deeper still." I love you so much!